What it’s like to be a NICU parent
Being a NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) parent is like being part of a secret club — except this club is one you probably never, ever wanted join.
When people hear of the NICU, they often think of premature babies (also known as “premies”) — little ones that were born too early. In medicine, this usually refers to those born before 37 weeks of gestation. However, the range of conditions that land babies in the NICU varies widely. My son, for example, was born at term, but suffered a few complications during delivery. I didn’t see all of the babies on the floor, but I’d bet that he was the biggest baby there. I’m not saying that one condition trumps the other or vice versa, but I do want to bring awareness that every baby in there is there for a different reason.
I’m not healed enough in my journey to belabor the details of what caused my son to need the NICU, but I will mention that it had to do with a condition known as meconium aspiration and its related complications. However, someday when I’m ready, I’d like to be able to talk openly about my experience without reservations.
After leaving the NICU, I wanted to distance myself from it as far away as I possibly could. I tried my best to not think about it. I tried my best to not speak about it. I even flat out told everyone who wanted to visit us at home to not ask me about it or they’d be asked to leave. No one dared to bring it up. However, after a handful of my girlfriends joined the NICU parent club, I realized how important it was for me to share my experience. Perhaps the most compelling reason to speak about such a traumatic time in my life was realizing that it could be what others need. Despite our dissimilarities, my experience had helped my girlfriends navigate theirs, and they felt supported by someone they knew would understood everything they’re going through. And Lord knows that every family in there needs all the support they could possibly get.
Only about 1 in 10 babies need the NICU, which is probably why you’ve heard more about happy birth stories than sad ones. It’s not easy being a NICU parent. You are constantly in a whirlwind of emotions. You’re happy your child is receiving the care they need, but sad that they needed it in the first place. You’re filled with jealously when you see other parents bring their baby home, but are happy for them at the same time. You’re impatient to leave, but know that you need to be patient to increase the chances of your baby coming home the healthiest they can be. You’re proud of everything your baby accomplishes, from taking a full feeding themselves to reaching a certain weight threshold and everything in between, but feel robbed at the same time. You learn to never take things for granted, such as hearing them cry, hearing them breathe on their own, or holding them every chance you get without having to ask for permission. Frankly, the NICU changes you and your outlook on life in every possible way. Emotionally, physically, and mentally, you are never the same.
Despite it all, to this day, I wear the experience like a badge of honor, and hope that others feel the same. It is not an experience I’m ashamed of. My NICU warrior fought his way out of the NICU and showed me the true definition of what it means to be strong. I may have not asked to be a member of the rather exclusive NICU parent club, but I am proud to be a part of it and hope that I can inspire others to feel the same as well.
